Love of Christ...cause after all it's all about Love

Love.  Brokenness.  Purity.  A righteous heart.  Humbled.  Community.  Together.  Perseverance.  Patience. 

I feel like these have become just words.  Mere words.  The meaning, the value, the depth behind them has been drained.  I myself find myself giving up on these "virtues" or "values."  This life is hard.  Pain and sufferring happen and it's hard to love.  Really love.  It's hard to forgive, it's hard to still seek community when you've been heart by people.

Why did Christ come to earth, live a human life, and die a sinners death...when he was innocent?  Did he do it just to save us?  Well, yes He did do it to save us...but why?  It was because He LOVED us.  He LOVES us!  Sinners!  Murderers of our own flesh!  Christ DIED an UGLY death for us because He LOVED us!  How have we lost sight of what love like that means?  Why have we gotten so busy, so selfish, so wrapped up in "how we will change the world," when Love can do that?? 

Christians.  CHRISTians.  Christ.  Love.  For God SO LOVED THE WORLD He sent His only begotten SON so that whoever believes in Him will never die...but live eternally!!!  Christ came because he LOVED us!  God sent His son because He LOVED us!!!  Who are we to think we can change the world without the Love and power of Christ?!

I have become so frustrated with myself because I don't love the way Christ would have me love.  I give up.  I get upset because I don't recieve the way I'd have it, so I give up.  How selfish is that?!  No more. 

If we (Christians) can grasp the concept of loving in a Christ like manner (no...that doesn't just mean loving platonically...it means truly loving...no matter the circumstances, no matter the depth of relationship, no matter any of that), we can change the world.  If we do what we were made to do, and spread the Love of Christ instead of our own human love which is beyond puny in comparison...the world will see. 

We were made for community.  We were made to be there for one another.  Man was not meant to live alone.  We were made to help one another, to love one another, no matter what.  Life isn't about being happy all of the time as so many people today think it is.  It's not about living for yourself..doing all of the fun things you can think of, achieving the goals of our life for yourself.  It's not about that.  It's about Christ, and it's about others.  Oh the way Americans live makes me so upset.  Alone and isolated.  Living for ourselves.  Making a living just to survive and do things for our own enjoyment.  (I'm so guilty of this).  Making so little time for others.  Hardening our hearts to make life easier.  No no no.  Christ, touch my heart...even if that means I'll feel the pain that You feel sometimes.

Self care.  Necessary.  Fun.  Necessary.  A light and joyous heart.  Necessary. 
But that's not all, and that's not the bigger picture.
Why can't we see beyond ourselves?

OOO I've just been SO frustrated with myself and the general Christian population for how WEAK, SELFISH, and without the MIND OF CHRIST we've become.  CHRISTianity is about CHRIST.  Not about ourselves.  As I write this I have a giant lump in my throat because I'm just so upset about what Christianity has become, and how lacking we are in our understanding of Love, Christ, and the great commision.  We get these jobs (lots of them because we "want to help others"), but who are we really serving?  Usually ourselves.  We take pride in helping others.  No no no.  We shouldn't take pride in that.  We can't boast in anything but our Lord.  We can boast because CHRIST helped someone, saved someone, enabled us to do something great.  But it's not for our own glory.  Life's not about glorifying humans.  It's about humans loving and serving our God.  Humans loving other humans because God so Loved us...

I want to love.  I want a servants heart.  I want to leave this world and leave the legacy that I loved because I had Jesus in my heart.  I want people to know how much I loved them, but more importantly I want them to know why I loved them so. I want people to see that Love changes things.  Love changes hearts, lives, situations.  Love can do these things because it is the Love of Christ and through Christ we can do anything.  True love is selfless.  Relentless.  Compassionate.  Saving.  CHRISTlike.  I beg God for a loving heart because I'm so sick of my own human heart!

Lord,
I give up so easily.  I'm so weak.  Father, forgive me for making things all about me.  Give me your heart and a clean spirit.  Give me wisdom and grace.  Show me what Love is.  Show me my heart for what it is.  Break my heart for what breaks Yours Lord.  God I want Your heart.  In Jesus' name I pray these these things.  Amen.

Have it all

Today I was thinking about how much God wants our heart.  Not just a part of it, He wants the whole thing.  He is jealous for our love because of how much He loves us.  I imagine a small child, trying to get the attention of his mother.  The child continues to poke her and call for her.  What she percieves as maybe an annoyance.  She is trying to get her work done, and doesn't have time for the child's games at the moment.  The child wants her full attention, but she can't give it to him.  God wants our full attention.  He will continue to poke us and sometimes in bigger ways than others.  He's not going to quit until He has your attention.

"You won't relent until You have it all...my heart is Yours."

An awesome girl, we'll call her Nel...told me that she sees humans as little art projects, and God is the artist.  He is the ultimate potter, and we are little clay pots.  We can be hard clay or soft clay.  Either way, God will have His way with us to turn us into something beautiful.  His masterpiece.  However, if we choose to be hard clay and not submit ourselves and our plans to Him, He's going to have to be a little more rough with the clay.  If we choose to submit ourselves and let God mold us, we are soft clay.  This doesn't mean life will be easy, it means that God will fully transform us into what He had in mind for us to be from the day we were born.

Lord, remind me that you are working on me for the best and help me to be soft and moldable.  Shape me so that You can use me for Your glory.

I'm not trying to say that we go through hard things because we are hard clay, because I think God lets us go through things for various reasons, and sometimes we don't know why.  I am suggesting that we should submit ourselves and our plans to God, because His plans are WAY better than our own.  If we do everything for ourselves, God will not relent.  Not until He has all of us.  Our whole heart-which includes our desires, our plans, everything.  He wants them because He loves us.

"And I could play the background...and You could take the lead"

Dear God,

Thank You for being in control of my life.  Thank You for healing my wounds, and bringing me joy always.  Thank You for Your Holy Spirit to guide and direct me.  Thank You because I'm never alone.  Thank You for comforting me when I'm afraid or sad.  Thank You for being my Dad.  Thank You for kissing my hurting heart when it gets broken.  Thank You for bringing amazing people into my life who aren't afraid to speak truth into me when it's something I'm lacking.

Forgive me for trying to be in control, and trying to do Your job for You.  My life is in Your hands, and I pray that everything I say or do would be screened by You.  I pray that as people read or hear my words, that You would blot out anything that is of my flesh and not of You, Lord. 

Without You, I am nothing.  Without You, I am dust.  Without You, my words are pointless.  But with You and through You, I can do anything!  Thank You for breathing new life into me!

Love, your daughter.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Lecrae-Background

In reference to my previous post...

PS-in reference to my post below:

Praise God for putting people in my life to lift me up during seasons when the tide is high.  Praise Him for working everything out for His glory, and for giving me the courage to finally talk about and be honest with my feelings.  Praise Him for revealing truths about human nature, and how humble Christ was to take on human form and live here on earth. 

Broken

I've heard that: If everyone threw their problems in a pile and the rule was that you had to take a problem out of the pile, we would probably all take our own problems back.

I've heard that: If someone asks us how we are doing and we don't have time to tell them about our lives, the answer is probably going to be "good."  If they have a little time to listen, the answer may sound more like, "broken."  If they had a lot of time to listen, we'd probably start sobbing.

How many of you put on a happy face and go through life, tough as you are, only to come home and cry in the shower or in your bed?  How many of us have done that, and nobody ever knows about it?

I'm all for optimism.  I'm all for braving the storm.  I'm all for leaning on God's strength and getting through hard things.  BUT...as a family of Christ followers...we need to listen to others and have compassion for them.  And everyone's problems, and feelings...do matter.

A friend of mine said this to me when we were talking about a similar issue.  She said that sometimes she just wants to say, "ok, i know we all have issues and problems...can you LISTEN to mine please?" 

Why is it that as Christians, we minimize our own, and each others' feelings?   God doesn't say that life will be easier because He is in it.  He promises that He won't leave our side and will walk with us the whole way.  Our pain can still exist, and we can still acknowledge it.  I'm so SICK of hiding my feelings.  I'm SICK of people making me feel like my feelings are unimportant because I have God.  I do have God!  And God lets me feel things!  So can we please talk about those feelings, because they don't get covered up because I'm a Christian!  I have God to get me through it, but it still exists!  As a Christian community, we need to support each other.  That means we are to laugh with each other...AND mourn with each other!

If we are upset about something, or have a feeling about something...it is there for a reason.  Can we listen to each other and build one another up?  Instead of making that person feel isolated in their feelings, can we support and encourage them, and acklowledge that their feelings are real and legitimate?  Can we come together during difficult times and mourn for one another, and praise God for never leaving our side? 

Can we take the challenge to practice REAL Christian community and fellowship, and do life together?  Can we develop close, meaningful relationships and do everything possible to lift each other up?

Come on Church.  That's all of us.  I know we're all tired and broken. 

To my brothers and sisters who have been there for me no matter what, and who have laughed and mourned with me.  Thank you SO much for your support.  Thank you for never telling me that my feelings are over the top, or making me feel like they are unimportant.  Please forgive me for times that I haven't been the same for you.  I know I am definitely guilty of minimizing peoples' feelings, and not really listening.  Thank you for your patience with me. 

Loving you,
Alex

Giving my life to the only One (Prayer request)

Good morning or good day to anyone who may be reading today.  I had lots on my mind last night and had lots I wanted to write about, but now the only thing that I can really think of to say is that I have a prayer request---

I'm being tested with what I posted yesterday, and I could use some prayer for perseverance and I could also use some major encouragment.  So, if you think of talking to God about me...maybe you could pray that He sends some encouragement to me, in whatever form He wishes?  I'm REALLY struggling with fatigue and waking up in the mornings due to a medication adjustment, and it's affecting work/school and relationships.  I'm also really missing some people who are close to my heart, and it's got me feeling down. 

I'm still trying to give it to Him.  On a brighter note---I heard this song yesterday for the first time and really loved it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKdQ6U6dsT4


Starry Night by Chris August
From the Birds that Sing, In the Tallest Trees.
To the Human Life, of you and me.
From the Desert Sands, to the place we stand.
He is God of All, He is Everything.

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

From the Autumn Leaves, that will ride the breeze
To the Faith it takes, to pray and sing
From the Painted sky, to my plank filled eye
He is God of all, He is everything

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything.

Ohhhhhhh (everything)

Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe
Ohhh
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun
On that Starry Night, He changed my life.
I'm giving it all to the only son who gave me hope when I had none.
So let the praises ring,
Ohhhh Let the Praises Ring

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
and the Angels sing, that he is Heavenly

So let the Praises ring
'Cause He is everything

God's bigger than any storm.

Today I heard that when people are going through a valley, and really struggling-don't tell them that they are strong.  Don't tell them that their strength will get them through.  Don't say those things because first of all, we usually feel pretty weak when we are walking through the valley.  Secondly, it probably isn't true.  It's not their strength that's getting them through.  It's God's strength.  It's ok to admit that we are weak, and that the valley is a rough place to be in.  It's ok because we belong to God, who has more than enough strength to get us through.

I was also reminded of this quote yesterday.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!"

I'm really convicted about giving my struggles to Jesus, and dancing in His freedom.  Lately, it's been my physical well being and just getting through school that I'm struggling with.  Fatigue feels like it's taken over my life these last couple of weeks.  BUT-it doesn't get to.  God is bigger.

Loving you!

Evidence of God's grace in my life

Last Sunday at church, I was feeling SO frustrated because I had been in such a dry spell for quite awhile.  Something had been holding me back from the childlike faith that I used to have.  Something had kept me feeling bitter, and heavy.  I didn't love God like I wanted to love Him.  That's such a horrible feeling-to know that the God of the universe who deserves every bit of my love and more, was only getting a morsel of it.  It's selfish on every level, and sad.  It kept me dry and I started feeling withered.  I had this longing for the desire to know God more. 

So during church, the pastor called people up to the front who were just really needing God, and wanting to draw near to Him.  People who were needing healing from something, and just felt like they needed to reach out to God.  I didn't feel like going up, and was still feeling dry.  I didn't even really have faith that it would change anything in me, but I went up and prayed a dry prayer...which was what I felt, all I had to offer up.  God deserves SO SO SO much more than what I gave him, but in His mercy and grace, He accepted it.

After church, I got prayer from two ladies who were dripping in God's love.  They layed hands on my shoulders, and on my heart.  I didn't "feel" anything, but knew that God's presence was strong in that moment.  I walked away with no different "feeling," but a renewed faith. 

Today is Wednesday, and I can't explain how much different my attitude is.  My faith is so different, and I don't feel as dry and lacking in zeal.  I could never love my God enough, but my thirst for Him is so much stronger and my desire to be with Him runs through my veins like a hot fire!  I'm so excited!

So that's all.  Just thought I'd share.  Get some prayer-God wants to talk with you and get closer to you.

Loving you!
Alex.

Here we go?!

So, this is life.  My postings are probably going to be quirky, and lots of times won't make any sense to you (if anyone is there) who is reading...because I'm just posting my thoughts which tend to be all over the place!!  Maybe you'll get some laughs :-P  I don't claim to know much at all...I'll just write what's on my mind. 

What God's been teaching me recently:

Life has seasons.  Some are longer than others, some are painful and some aren't.  Some seasons are full of storms.  Some are just resting periods.  BUT...every season is a gift.  The resting periods are so nice!  A time to stop and catch our breath, and see everything clearly that is surrounding us.  A chance to take it all in and reflect.  Some seasons are about getting through.  We are brought through storms because God wants to refine and perfect us.  It's not to torture us, but to make us better.  For His glory, and for our benefit.  Because He loves us!

The enemy wants to defeat us.  He will do anything to stomp the light out that is living in our hearts.  Our job, as Christians and children of the King, is to tell the enemy that he is not allowed to rob us of our joy, and to cling to the Father.  Lately, I've been noticing all of the times that I've allowed the enemy into my heart, and have come to grips with the lies that he has planted there.  The gifts that God's given me that he tries to turn upside down and use in negative ways.  The way he has tried to tell me that if I don't "feel" God, i'm not saved.  The way he tells me that my bed is a better hiding place than my Lord.  LIES!  I'm so sick of him, and sick of letting him steal my joy.  I'm so thankful that God's brought this to my attention!  I'm ready to fight the lies, and to hide in Jesus rather than anywhere else.

I am here for a purpose.  And my only job is to follow Christ.  To chase after Him with every fiber of my being. To love Him deeply and to listen to Him intently.  Woo!  It's so exciting!

That's all for now.

Loving you!